Dobby!! 2

Dobby rides bikes.

Kulas!

Dobby meets David!

Case Western campus!

Dobby!!

Dobby is a pool master.

Dobby chills around the Cleve.

Dobby is fearless.

Can you find Dobby?

Food!

Dobby Likes CIM

Dobby playing orientation games.












Dobby in my room on my desk.

Dobby practicing in a practice room.

If you don't know what Dobby is, it's this. Hope everyone is doing well!!!

RIP Morrie Yohai

My dad walked by my cousin and me with a bag of Cheez Doodles.
"Dad, the guy who invented Cheez Doodles died recently!"
He stuck out the bag to us and said, "Well, in that case, we need to celebrate his life by eating more CHEEZ DOODLES!"

Celebrating the life of Cheez Doodle's creator Morrie Yohai!

Little Things with Big Moments

So there's this one three year old kid that is part of the Kids With Strings program, a program that teaches young children to play violin, and he always needs a lecture once a day about paying attention. He'll act indifferent and pretend to play dumb while we're trying to teach him, but when one of us takes his hand and goes, "Okay. You're done. Let's go," he starts bawling and crying, "Nooo!!!" He'll stamp his feet, pull himself back, and get so desperate. So then he's taken out into the hall and is given a lecture, and finally he comes back after he promises to do better, with a horribly sad frown on his face.

And I always feel bad for him when we take him out to the hall because I can imagine what he's feeling like.

So today I went to the rink to practice, and as soon as I walked into the rink, I saw all of these little kids with their white figure skates that I wanted so so much, or their thick hockey skates. They were really great skaters, and I couldn't see a single normal teenager like me out there with rental skates on.

I tried to imagine going out there and trying to practice without being totally embarrassed and awkward, and finally I just left. Without touching the ice at all.

It's fine. I'll come back at least once or twice before I leave for college. It's alright. It's not like I'm training to be a professional ice skater or something. It's just a hobby, and today was just one day.

But I couldn't think of these things. I was so upset with myself that I hadn't even tried to get on the ice and chickened out. I'd spent all year forcing myself through silly situations like that in terms of violin, and I let it beat me out today so easily. I was so upset that I even dropped a few tears. It was just disappointing.

And I thought of the kid at KWS, being dragged out of the class thinking he messed up his chance and has to miss out on the entire class because of it. I feel you, kid.

And then I told myself what Mr. Pu would've told me; failure is never a bad thing, no matter how difficult it may be to realize that. This is just a lesson and a reminder...so that things like this don't have to happen again.

Ordinary things

Yesterday I went to Target with Shejuti and Katy, while we were reminiscing about our 8th grade glory days. It felt surreal, to be with them in the present, rather than be with them in our 8th grade bodies acting up in Ms. Davis's class.

We ended up in the notebook section, and Katy spotted a planner with bicycles all over it. We spent a lot of time around it, admiring the different bikes on it and debating on whether to get it. 

By the time we left, Shejuti bought it. Katy was almost convinced that she would buy it.
She dropped me off at home and I entered my house, feeling full and peaceful.

The next day, I returned to Target to complete my dorm shopping list when I passed by the planner again. Before I could thing twice, I took it down and put it in my basket.

Back at home, I began sifting through my stuff and debating with myself whether they were worth taking to college with me. The whole time, I was reminded of Andy from Toy Story 3, deciding whether to bring his toys to college with him or not. And thinking of Toy Story 3, I pictured Daniella and her little brother, and Shejuti, sitting next to me, relishing the whole movie and thinking of our childhood memories watching the first two Toy Story's.

I decided to pack the dress I bought in New York even though it didn't fit me that well. When I saw it, I thought of going to my Juilliard audition and finally seeing the other side of my mountain. I remembered the relief I felt when I was walking through SoHo with nothing to worry about but finding a souvenir article of clothing. And then I would remember going out in that dress to Cheesecake Factory with Daniella, Edna, and Shejuti this summer. Our last get-together of the fabulous 8th grade four that survived so well all through high school.

I packed my headband, even though it was a silly looking one, because I wore it for my first and last ASYO concert.

A Sailor Moon fan because my brother gave it to me.

While I was packing, I thought of all of the things going into my suitcase and wondered if they would become coveted items like those, with the power to bring back feelings along with the memories. The most ordinary things become so special, so personal, so unpredictably.

And I put the planner into my bookbag, because it reminded me of Shejuti and Katy at Target, showing me that things were changing, but they were still here and tangible. Because it made me think that I didn't have to leave everything behind, and nobody was leaving me either. Because it encompassed the meaning of my summer before college, and my senior year at home...and then all the way back to the beginning of middle school, when I wore my house key around my neck and couldn't play Twinkle on the violin. Sealing it all for me so a new chapter can start and this chapter wouldn't be lost.

Tweenbot Day 5

We totally amped up its wheels BUT IT STILL WON'T MOVE.

We even ripped off his head to make it lighter. DIDN'T MOVE.

We're going to take its headless self to Radioshack one more time and ask the manager to help us (he helped us a couple times before), but I'm pretty sure Tweenbot is dead.

I didn't want to put a picture of its headless body. It was just too sad.
Let us pray for Tweenbot.

Spirals

So, this summer I actually learned a bit of ice skating!
I had my first lesson from Laura Sims awhile back, and I decided to go to one of the ice rink sessions and practice.
On my own. DUN DUN DUN.

I couldn't tell you how awkward I felt. When I stepped on the ice, I could barely pick up my foot. I kind of just pushed off with one foot and pretended something was wrong with my boot. Then I skated around in circles, around the people practicing scratch spins and backwards crossovers. I got faster and steadier as I went on, but for two hours, all I had the courage to do was skate in a circle and do occasional front crossovers.

Thursday I got to have another lesson from both Laura Sims and Star Ye.
I got there earlier than them, and I sat on the bleachers trying to work up my courage to go on the ice by myself.

"You can do it. It won't be awkward. Nobody cares about you. Nobody's watching. But it's okay if they are because you can do it. You can do it..."

45 minutes later Laura and Star came in while I was still pep talking myself, staring at the rink with determination. Their presence finally got me to go on the ice by myself while they laced up their skates.
I was waddling around when I saw Laura and Star burst onto the ice and basically take over. They showed me all sorts of spirals, their teamed waltz jumps, their spunky footwork...I don't understand why they're not on TV competing at US Nationals or something.

They went over waltz jumps (I was too scared to jump, so it was more like a waltz...step), backwards crossovers and pumps, lunges (again), spins, bunny hops, three point turns, and my favorite: SPIRALS!

Obviously this is exactly what I looked like.

Spirals are when skaters glide on one foot with their leg extended back behind them, as high up as possible. Before Thursday, I had attempted to lift my leg more than 2 inches off the ice and couldn't balance for more than 2 seconds. Star told me to lean forward while my leg went up, so I tried it and -

Wind was blowing against my face. My leg was up for miles. My head was practically on the ground. I stayed like that for a whole 30 seconds.

I watched the video Star took later and actually I was going about 1 mile per hour and my leg was pretty much level with my head. I lasted about 7 seconds.

But I loved the feeling. I felt like I really had control and that I was really skating like the people I look up to!
It was such a thrill and I HAD HOPE.

I practiced a bit more and got a bit better. And I'm going to keep practicing more BY MY SELF and get EVEN BETTER. I'm going to stop being scared of inevitably sucking and step onto the ice, flailing if I have to. FEAR IS IRRELEVANT. There are only 10 days left until college; who knows when I'll have time to do this again?

Thank you Laura Sims and Star Ye for helping and teaching me!!! I was smiling the whole time!

Heartbreak

I feel like musicians are always in danger of heartbreak. We put so much of ourselves into our performances and take risks, being open to so many people with our private things. When we walk onstage, we begin a relationship with the audience. No matter how many people there are in the audience, there is an intimacy between the performers and the audience that can be so strong, it's intimidating. When we fail to come through in the music, when the audience is left feeling the same way they did before you began playing, we break our own hearts. To give so much and have nobody receive it...to fail to give because of fears, self doubt, or lack of effort...these are the greatest disappointments, in my opinion.

The performer and the audience. It's a relationship. Relationships take honesty...therefore, they also take risks. And courage. And sacrifice. Relationships require love, passion, sometimes gentleness, sometimes fire... It's a relationship.

Tweenbot Day 4

Tweenbot is wired up. Everything works.
The problem is...
TWEENBOT IS TOO FAT T-T
As soon as I put the Tweenbot on the ground it would stop rolling.

My dad saw that I was upset, and while I was out of the house, he tried to make another, smaller body:

I found it on the table next to actual Tweenbot, which is standing on its head right now. It clearly doesn't work, since it has a hole in its stomach, but at its the thought that counts right? My dad is awesome.