Little Things with Big Moments

So there's this one three year old kid that is part of the Kids With Strings program, a program that teaches young children to play violin, and he always needs a lecture once a day about paying attention. He'll act indifferent and pretend to play dumb while we're trying to teach him, but when one of us takes his hand and goes, "Okay. You're done. Let's go," he starts bawling and crying, "Nooo!!!" He'll stamp his feet, pull himself back, and get so desperate. So then he's taken out into the hall and is given a lecture, and finally he comes back after he promises to do better, with a horribly sad frown on his face.

And I always feel bad for him when we take him out to the hall because I can imagine what he's feeling like.

So today I went to the rink to practice, and as soon as I walked into the rink, I saw all of these little kids with their white figure skates that I wanted so so much, or their thick hockey skates. They were really great skaters, and I couldn't see a single normal teenager like me out there with rental skates on.

I tried to imagine going out there and trying to practice without being totally embarrassed and awkward, and finally I just left. Without touching the ice at all.

It's fine. I'll come back at least once or twice before I leave for college. It's alright. It's not like I'm training to be a professional ice skater or something. It's just a hobby, and today was just one day.

But I couldn't think of these things. I was so upset with myself that I hadn't even tried to get on the ice and chickened out. I'd spent all year forcing myself through silly situations like that in terms of violin, and I let it beat me out today so easily. I was so upset that I even dropped a few tears. It was just disappointing.

And I thought of the kid at KWS, being dragged out of the class thinking he messed up his chance and has to miss out on the entire class because of it. I feel you, kid.

And then I told myself what Mr. Pu would've told me; failure is never a bad thing, no matter how difficult it may be to realize that. This is just a lesson and a reminder...so that things like this don't have to happen again.