Little Things with Big Moments

So there's this one three year old kid that is part of the Kids With Strings program, a program that teaches young children to play violin, and he always needs a lecture once a day about paying attention. He'll act indifferent and pretend to play dumb while we're trying to teach him, but when one of us takes his hand and goes, "Okay. You're done. Let's go," he starts bawling and crying, "Nooo!!!" He'll stamp his feet, pull himself back, and get so desperate. So then he's taken out into the hall and is given a lecture, and finally he comes back after he promises to do better, with a horribly sad frown on his face.

And I always feel bad for him when we take him out to the hall because I can imagine what he's feeling like.

So today I went to the rink to practice, and as soon as I walked into the rink, I saw all of these little kids with their white figure skates that I wanted so so much, or their thick hockey skates. They were really great skaters, and I couldn't see a single normal teenager like me out there with rental skates on.

I tried to imagine going out there and trying to practice without being totally embarrassed and awkward, and finally I just left. Without touching the ice at all.

It's fine. I'll come back at least once or twice before I leave for college. It's alright. It's not like I'm training to be a professional ice skater or something. It's just a hobby, and today was just one day.

But I couldn't think of these things. I was so upset with myself that I hadn't even tried to get on the ice and chickened out. I'd spent all year forcing myself through silly situations like that in terms of violin, and I let it beat me out today so easily. I was so upset that I even dropped a few tears. It was just disappointing.

And I thought of the kid at KWS, being dragged out of the class thinking he messed up his chance and has to miss out on the entire class because of it. I feel you, kid.

And then I told myself what Mr. Pu would've told me; failure is never a bad thing, no matter how difficult it may be to realize that. This is just a lesson and a reminder...so that things like this don't have to happen again.

Spirals

So, this summer I actually learned a bit of ice skating!
I had my first lesson from Laura Sims awhile back, and I decided to go to one of the ice rink sessions and practice.
On my own. DUN DUN DUN.

I couldn't tell you how awkward I felt. When I stepped on the ice, I could barely pick up my foot. I kind of just pushed off with one foot and pretended something was wrong with my boot. Then I skated around in circles, around the people practicing scratch spins and backwards crossovers. I got faster and steadier as I went on, but for two hours, all I had the courage to do was skate in a circle and do occasional front crossovers.

Thursday I got to have another lesson from both Laura Sims and Star Ye.
I got there earlier than them, and I sat on the bleachers trying to work up my courage to go on the ice by myself.

"You can do it. It won't be awkward. Nobody cares about you. Nobody's watching. But it's okay if they are because you can do it. You can do it..."

45 minutes later Laura and Star came in while I was still pep talking myself, staring at the rink with determination. Their presence finally got me to go on the ice by myself while they laced up their skates.
I was waddling around when I saw Laura and Star burst onto the ice and basically take over. They showed me all sorts of spirals, their teamed waltz jumps, their spunky footwork...I don't understand why they're not on TV competing at US Nationals or something.

They went over waltz jumps (I was too scared to jump, so it was more like a waltz...step), backwards crossovers and pumps, lunges (again), spins, bunny hops, three point turns, and my favorite: SPIRALS!

Obviously this is exactly what I looked like.

Spirals are when skaters glide on one foot with their leg extended back behind them, as high up as possible. Before Thursday, I had attempted to lift my leg more than 2 inches off the ice and couldn't balance for more than 2 seconds. Star told me to lean forward while my leg went up, so I tried it and -

Wind was blowing against my face. My leg was up for miles. My head was practically on the ground. I stayed like that for a whole 30 seconds.

I watched the video Star took later and actually I was going about 1 mile per hour and my leg was pretty much level with my head. I lasted about 7 seconds.

But I loved the feeling. I felt like I really had control and that I was really skating like the people I look up to!
It was such a thrill and I HAD HOPE.

I practiced a bit more and got a bit better. And I'm going to keep practicing more BY MY SELF and get EVEN BETTER. I'm going to stop being scared of inevitably sucking and step onto the ice, flailing if I have to. FEAR IS IRRELEVANT. There are only 10 days left until college; who knows when I'll have time to do this again?

Thank you Laura Sims and Star Ye for helping and teaching me!!! I was smiling the whole time!

I don't...say much...

I don't even know why I have this blog, or why I started it.
I don't have the courage to say any thoughts deeper than what I say out loud on a public blog.
...
That being said, I'm still not going to expand on any of my thoughts in this blog. In fact maybe I just won't talk.
Pictures?

Hmm...I think I'll talk after all. I love ice skating. It's something I would die to learn. But...since I can't learn, I draw. Every time I draw, it takes like 3 hours or 4 hours to finish one drawing. And I do so much erasing that eventually the paper is so weathered I have to start over. Ha. (Hey, it's the effort that counts, right? :D)

The top one is Mirai Nagasu and the bottom one is Mao Asada...I know Yuna Kim is the Queen of ice skating, but I guess I'm ignorant because I find these two ice skaters so much more enjoyable.

I think ice skaters are the ultimate performers. They have to have the skills of a dancer, gymnast, and in a way, musician. They have to understand the nuisances and the emotional significance behind the music they skate to...but it's not just what they need to be able to do, it's also all the things they have to deal with when they skate out there. They skate in front of huge audiences and are broadcast on TV at such young ages, and they have so much to prove in such a short time. And the world of skating is so small, people really are watching them all under a microscope. For both of these young women, there are failures and sad tears in their stories along with their success, and that's what I like most about them. They're so real. It makes their success so much more glorious.